opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
