oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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