Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
