That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wakey wakey hands off snakey
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
