i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
