I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
