Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
