she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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