Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
