At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
