I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
