This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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