Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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