I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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