Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
