Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
