I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
