I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
