i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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