i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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