I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
