Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
