I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
