who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
