I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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