Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We are all done wearing pants today
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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