Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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