Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
