i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
