You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
