Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
