I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
