Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
