the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
