How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
