She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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