The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
