This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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