She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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