Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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