I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
