I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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