my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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