She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
