Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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