Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
