and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
