i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize