We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
