Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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