she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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