I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
