Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
