did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
