Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
