I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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