Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize