We named our party play list daddy issues
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
