Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she told me i tasted like america
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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