don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Say something about gay babies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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