Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
