I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
