Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
